[update this shit and I will return]

Welcome to the death of "Twilight of Obscurity." Sadly I must "close" this blog because I really dont have time to continue writing this. Ok I lied, I actually do but I really didnt like how this blog went. So, In light of this info I have badassadly shared with you, I will reveal my new endeavor: START UP A BRAND SPANKING NEW BLOG. It will rule. Here, I tried to rule, but I didn't. Instead, I ended up looking like some turd that stunk. I almost went into "feelings" mode about stuff and less about rants. However, I found a site that most of you people probably know about (of course, Im always the last to know about shit.)

http://maddox.xmission.com/

This site IS the best page of the universe. I realized that this was how my page was supposed to be like, not some lame shit like i posted. This is my vision... in the flesh, err in the kilobyte, err whatever. However, my new blog wont be as badass as his. But at least i can try. Also, for those of you who actually were interested in what sort of shit i went through through my day, hour, etc. I'll most likely share some of that as well. It will be a mixture of both of badassness and classic blogging that ppl do.... hopefully. However, I don't know exactly when that will be up. Sometime over the next year or so. HA. O well, till next time, whenever that may be.

Written on 10:01 AM

[Obscurity]
 
Well now.  I guess its time for an update i must say.  First off, I must apologize for not posting anything (I know u guys are buggin, but eh...).  Right now I just suffer from ultimate writers block, but I feel as if im roaring to write about shit again.  I also apologize about my floobie dying and shit, but o well.  Well I plan to get things rolling again, and I'll start with this post!
 
Well I said that the reason I haven't been posting is because of the massive writers block thats been fuckin me up, but the fact that I haven't done jack shit the last couple of days (weeks... same difference) has contributed to that.  I really didn't have anything blogworthy to type up, so yeah.  So what have I been doing instead of this shit?  Well, I just have been going to work and chillin i guess.  I have also limited my casino escapades a bit, so thats out of the daily itenerary.  I finally figured out that gambling in excess is a bad thing, especially when gambling will result in a loss of 2 paychecks in 2 days (that was about 500 bucks).  I have been going to the malls and stores often, however.  My wardrobe was in dire need of revamping, and frankly, I looked like shit.
 
Speaking of revamping, I'm planning to change the layout of this blog once again.  Yeah, I thought being moody and depressing was cool, but fuck that shit.  I figured I should go back to funny.  It's been there for me all my life.
 
Well thats it for now folks.  I just hope I come back to update shit again and not leave it on the ground like that last shit i took.  Peace out.  Sucka.  Biznatch.

Written on 10:38 AM

[sporadic movement]

I have somehow forgot that this thing existed, but o well... seeing as how I have just remembered that i have this, time for an update i guess. Well really nothing has been going on these past couple of days (erm weeks i guess?) except nothingness. There was blogworthy material and events that I was gonna write about, but again I forgot about what to write like literally 5 minutes after thinking. Like now, I swear I have totally forgotten what I was gonna write about. I even forgot why I have the title "sporadic movement" as this entry. SHIT. Hmm I guess Ill have to pull shit out of my ass again...

There was one thing that happened that I DO remember, and that was writing an Anthropological paper on the Internet Subculture. It was a pretty tough assignment to say the least, but I actually enjoyed writing this paper. I went out and did some fieldwork and studied the computer mouse potato in its natural habitat. Yup thats right folks, I actually went and watch other people use the damned internet. How fun is that? Well picture this: Imagine that you are on someplace like, say, Cuervo Nation and 100 hot chicks and babes surrounded you and crowned you Coolest BadAss in the world, and then partied hard for like i dunno... a long time. NOW TAKE THE ANTITHESIS OF THAT IMAGE AND YOU PRETTY MUCH GET THE PICTURE OF HOW MUCH IT SUCKED. I had to chat with the locals and speak to them about how the culture thrives in the reality of the internet and blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda crap like that. I sat on my ass for hours on end watching these guys browse through hours of porn (it coulda been fun, but remember im watching someone do that... *shudder*) and chat with people who have "CYBERSEX HERE!" or "OMFG j00 5ux0rz I 4m 73h l337 h4x0r ph33r m3!11!one!!!11!" (dont ask what the shit means you dont wanna know) as their chat profile. Well how did I "actually enjoy writing this paper?" Well for one, I remembered how fun it is to write papers. No seriously Im not shittin you. I believe writing awesome papers is like an art style. Put in the right elements, throw in a bit of analogies, spice it up with intellectual stuff, and Viola! A+ material! (I got a B, by the way). Secondly, I found out that no matter how much of a nerd you think you are, there are always others who are willing to prove that they have more nerdness than you. Like this for example.

Also... I dunno if you guys n gals would be reading this in time but, tommorrow, April 27 2004 Ben and Jerry's (at Seaport Village in San Diego anyways) would be having their annual "Free Cone Day." Come by, get a free ice cream, get fatter, get burnt by the sun, and make fun of the workers there... nevermind. Just come by and get a free ice cream cone or three.

Written on 1:56 PM

[Valentine Fish]

Ahh... how nice it is to have a blog. It is a great excuse to not study haha... but anyways, whatever. Had a pretty mundane weekend. Nothing too much out of the ordinary. Put in my time at work, which sucked as usual. Had to study hard for some midterms, which sucked as usual. Spent my money at the casino, which sucked as usual. O yeah I also earned myself a good ol' speeding ticket to top it all of, because you know... this weekend sucked as usual. Of course, the past weekend was also Valentine's Day. For the umteenth time in a row, I was Valentinesless. Like some people, I try to pass this day off as just another commercial holiday for companies to sell their candies and chocolates and whatever sappy shit they can come up with and besides, you should treat everyday like Valentine's Day, right? I try to pass it off as just a silly day, but I can feel the whackness. The day has sort of become a depressing annual reminder on why my life kinda sux. I am missing that one element in life... and that is the "significant other." Don't have one now, never had one in the past, and I hope it won't be like that for the future. Sure, I'd always love to meet that special someone, but whenever opprotunity knocks... I'd get scared and don't answer back, and I let it knock on, and when I let it knock on and on, the knocking gets stronger and I let it knock too hard, causing it to blow up in my face. Weird example or whatever, but do you understand the point im tryin to reach? So yeah here I am now, all alone... maybe that's what been causing that feeling of nothingness and void. I don't have that "other" to be around with when I need her to be.

While others spend their time thinking about how they can have fanfuckintastic weekend, I spent my time swimming in my regrets. Too many times I've let a girl get away because of many things. Im too chicken. The "I don't wanna hurt our current friendship" excuse. I let self doubt kick my ass. I think that I look too ugly. I'm a big fat loser. I dunno just some really stupid shit. There were times where the opprotunity bit me in the ass, and I would just screw up my chances by not acting upon them. I get too scared. I pull back. Maybe it's because of the one great fear that many face: Rejection. Getting rejected sucks, but of course you'd get over it during the course of time. It's weird for me, though, because it's not the fact that I got rejected that scared me shitless, it was the consequences of the risk, fuckin up already good relations already made between us. What do I mean? Well here it is... for some stupid reason that I don't know myself, it is hard for me to meet girls that are total complete strangers, and I mean like if I were to see a girl for the first time in my life ever, I'd want to try to know some background about the person before introducing myself. And even introducing myself is something i totally suck at. I have no conversational skills whatsoever... but anyways back to point. As I was saying, it would be much easier for me to meet someone that was in the same class or whatever, or even if she was a friend of a friend or even an aquaintence of an aquintence. Therefore, the scenario would be that whenever I "liked" a girl, they were usually someone I've met before or maybe even spoken to her once or twice or whatever. Bottom line was that she was never a total, complete, "who-the-hell-are-you-ive-never-seen-you-in-my-life" stranger. (Is this all moot info by the way? I dunno Im too tired to notice...) Problem is, when I "interact" with the person, because I like meeting new people all the time (sounds really lame), the girl becomes "a really good friend," and by telling her how I feel would, in my opinion, lead to awkward friendship relations if she ever wanted to be "just friends." I dunno how to explain it, but yeah its something like that. I know this is probly a really big stupid reason, and that a lot of people have told me that it really was a lame reason and to forget that awkwardness and to "take a chance..." and all that nice stuff, but for some reason I can't pull myself to actually get it out in the open. I'd be so close... so VERY close, and I shy away... and I kick myself for that. KICK MYSELF. It's true that theres always fish in the sea... but I can't help but regret my past mistakes... and I'm bad at not regretting. Im sorry if all this sappy crap made no sense whatsoever, but I had to vent that out. All that repression. Whew.

O well... so thats that. I have just now realized that there are possibities those people ive mentioned can come across this blog and immediately say "Oh my goodness... I'm the one hes talkin about..." and whatever. I've also realized that it's time to end this nonsense. But whatever... maybe they (more than 1, you know) might read this... maybe they won't. I don't know. All I know is that I'll be sitting here... pondering and regretting... about the fishes that got away.

Written on 2:39 AM

[bowling update]

Bowled my highest score today: 109 pins.
Also bowled my lowest score today: 48 pins.

I'm working on my bowling skills and signs of improvement are beginning to appear. Just gotta "work the lane"... whatever the fuck that means. As of now my right thumb feels like its operating at 23% of normal capacity. Hot damn I can't even grip a sandwich without feeling discomfort.

Written on 12:12 AM

[super bowel movements]

I'm sure plenty of you have seen the friggen Super Bowl yesterday. Well it was probly the best Super Bowl I've seen in my lifetime (keywords: my lifetime). Such a close game... what a heartbreaker loss. Saw a great football game over the weekend. I don't think I have ever been so riled and fired up over a football game ever. A great game till the end, indeed. However, during Super Bowl sunday... I experienced a great sadness. No... it wasn't because I lost my money on a bet... it was because I witnessed an event that saddened even the mightiest and hardened of men. Yes, my friends... I am referring to the half-time "extravaganza." I heard the opening of Super Bowl was actually pretty good... adding to my sadness, for I missed the opening and first quarter due to being at work (heard Beyonce... or whatever the fuck you spell that.... stole the show. Aerosmith, on the other hand... stole the will of people to continue living... or so I've heard). Too bad the half-time show wasn't as great. If my memory still works, I believe the first part of the half-time show started with a bit about choosing or losing or whatever the fuck those actors were preaching about. Well so far, so good. From there... it's all downhill. A band starts busting out "Drumline" style and then Janet Jackson appears out of a shower curtain and starts doin her thang. Geez. Sorry, Janet, but you need to bust out with some new material, rather than that outdated shit. To make matters worse... it appeared to me that she wasn't even singing at all. I didn't like the way she looked either. She just now reminds me of how Micheal Jackson would look like with just one more operation. Pretty painful to watch... Then the whole show becomes a complete medley of songs by other artists like P. Diddy, Nelly, and Kid Rock (I liked the Kid Rock part, though... only redeeming part of super bowl half time show). They all sing their old stuff during this football game, and at the same time I start questioning my ability to reason and rationalize. I was getting all confused... because I didn't understand why I couldn't see the fucking connection between their songs and the concept of fucking football. Did anyone get the connection between MTV and football? There has to be a connection, because of course when football fans think of of super bowl, they think of MTV. The bigwigs at MTV and CBS must know magical, ultra secret bond between "Mo Money, Mo Problems" and football that everyone else knows but me. Either that, or the world has gone crazygonuts. But here comes the "grand" finale. Out comes Justin Timberlake and starts a flirty duet with Janet Jackson and starts doing their "Rock your body" bit. AWESOME DECISION CBS AND MTV... because, obviously, when men think of football... they think of Justin Timberlake. Thats not all kiddies. NO NO not by a long shot. It was bad enough that these two entities combined powers to make the world suffer an even worse experience. But Justin Timberlake had to pull out his "weapon" of mass destruction and witness the most agonizing experience known to superbowl mankind. He had just had to get her "naked, by the end of this song." Yup... he pulls of her breast covering thing and pops out her sorry excuse of a boob. It was then at that moment a great sadness fell over the land, and all was in sorrow. I didn't know whether to feel sorry for Janet Jackson for resorting to this kind of shock value to up her sales and image and whatnot, or to feel pissed that helped an event that just wasted a good 30 minutes of my fucking life that I cannot fucking get back. Her boobie didn't look all that great either. At first I was like "WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK! WOW!" But then after the shock and excitement of celebrity titty on TV, I noticed that it wasn't really great at all. I mean, I know its a breast from fuckin Janet Jackson... something you'd probly never see, but I've seen better (on TV anyways). I didn't believe that was even a breast at all. I thought about it long and hard and figured that it couldn't be a breast at all, but more like one of Vinateiri's (of New England) missed field goal footballs that imbedded itself in the chest of the hapless Janet Jackson who was sitting in the wrong spot at the wrong time way in the sidelines (even Howard Stern had the same idea). Of course, it appeared to be planned. What better stunt to pull by Justin Timberlake to raise the bar and oust the stunt by Madonna and Britney Spears, while at the same time improve Janet Jackson's edginess. It's a win-win situaton right? Wel it's more like a win-win-lose situation where the crowd loses. Well not even that. It was a lose-lose-lose situation. Janet Jackson, ultimately, looked like a complete boob (what a funny pun), Justin Timberlake looked stupid when he blamed it on a "wardrobe malfunction" ( I can imagine it now... "I swear, when I pulled the thing... I didn't expect for it to come off!"), and the audience is treated with a half-assed show. Luckily at the time of the superbowl halftime show, I had a spoon in my hand... and I shoved it in my eye. WHY you ask? Well... to ease the pain of the superbowl halftime show.... because If im gonna suffer that much pain, I might as well do it to myself. Ok no I didn't really do that, but Lewis Black (one of my favorite comics) would. He said so himself...

...now that I think about it, we should all thank Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake for doing what they did. I don't think MTV would have given us mercy and kept us watching for probly another hour or so. Thanks for cutting the show short, you may have saved our sanity... and quite possibly our lives.

The funny thing is that seeing a streaker on the field and having him being lit up by a lineman was more enjoyable than that complete waste of MTV hehash crap. He had the words "Super Bowel" sprawled on his bare back. He probly hated the halftime show a great deal that he went insane and had to express his feelings one way or another. Or maybe he was just a man from Liverpool, England that streaks sporting events, morning shows, and casinos for a living that finally streaked his most ultimate goal. The latter is correct, the former sounds more fun.

Till next time folks.

Written on 4:53 PM

[weakness]

Last Tuesday during my bowling class, I went up against this one girl who had never bowled in her life. In fact, this was the first time she's ever been to a bowling alley. I concluded that I could manage a win here, despite the fact that the only bowling "skill" I have is when I pour cereal into it. Turns out, I lost to that person... twice. Final score: Me-54 Girl-61. I've learned a couple of things from this experience:

-Never underestimate anyone
-Beginners luck is real
-I can't bowl worth shit
-I am to the sport of bowling as Helen Keller is to the sport of archery.
-I need to work out more

This only reinforced my greatest fear in life: being a loser. Ha.

Written on 10:47 AM

[change of pace]

Well things are starting to look up. The things that usually bog me down (like school) aren't really haunting as much as they used to. Even that unexplainable, out-of-nowhere-for-no-reason feeling of hopelessness and despair now feel like a distant memory... for now. This change of pace is welcomed, but I can only wonder how long it will last before I start feeling like shit again. It sucks feeling like shit and not knowing what is causing it. If I had a reason to be feeling like shit, then it would be totally understandable, but this feeling has no reason. It's the effect of a cause unknown to me. I just hope that it won't be too long until that dark cloud returns to me and lays the smack down on my candy ass with its unrelenting, unforgiving power of despair.

Written on 10:34 AM